I’m 38 and my immigrant mother still calls me every Sunday to ask if I’ve eaten, if I’m taking vitamins, if I’m sleeping enough — and I used to find it suffocating, but after she had a health scare last year I realized those calls aren’t about control, they’re the only way she knows how to say ‘I love you and I’m terrified of losing you’

The immigrant mother’s Sunday phone call: For many adult children of immigrants, the weekly check-in is a ritual as predictable as the sunrise. It is a conversation dominated by a specific script: Have you eaten? Are you taking your vitamins? Why do you sound tired? At 38 years old, these questions can feel like an intrusion of privacy or a lack of trust in one’s autonomy. However, behind these seemingly mundane inquiries lies a complex emotional landscape shaped by migration, sacrifice, and a unique way of expressing devotion. The shift from resentment to realization often comes through a moment of crisis. For many, it takes a parent’s health scare to finally translate the “suffocating” questions into their true meaning: a profound fear of loss and a deep, unspoken love. The Language of Care and Survival In many immigrant households, the words “I love you” are rarely spoken aloud. Instead, affection is translated into acts of service and constant monitoring of physical well-being.

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