I’m Bloody Broke!

HumorI’m Bloody Broke!Vampires are supposed to be rich… right? But our friend here isn’t. He’s unemployed and broke. Oh, but he’s going job hunting. Will he pass his job interview?Reading Time: 5 minutesBy Chloe ZhengIssue 5, Volume 117 || 2026-2027By Cian Gunturk Yo. I’m so broke. All I’ve eaten in the past few days is moldy bread. Even though the mold adds flavor, aren’t vampires supposed to be rich or something? I’m too lazy to go hunt for human blood, so I have no choice but to eat this crappy human food. This sucks. I need a job.I reach for the curtains on my cardboard shelter and pull them open, only to feel an overwhelming sensation of myself burning to death. I sigh, and close them again. Maybe I’ll go job hunting at night.I was born crying in a stack of hay from my mother. I had no hair, and I couldn’t speak. It was horrible. They (the cosmic forces) were all watching me, ostracizing me. I had no clothes on. Man, that sucked.

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